Lessons

Over the years you learn things.  When you’re little you learn things like “Stove is hot” but as you get older and more experienced you learn the more important things.  I have lived to the ripe old age of thirty at this point, and I wanted to share with no one in particular, which is why I am posting it – no one reads this stuff.  So below are the top 16.  Why 16?  Do the math.

1. Stove is hot

2. Dance like everyone’s watching

3. Lie like no one is listening

4. Women who chase careers are the ones who

5. It costs like $500 to tow a disabled SUV across the state

6. Go before you leave

7. If he walks like a duck and talks like a duck, your dog is dumb

8. Smile, you may not be on Candid Camera, but the government is watching

9. A package of sausage is only as strong as its weakest link

10. If you wait until you get to work, it’s like you’re getting paid to poop

11. Oven also hot

12. Party like it’s 2004

13. Run like it’s 2006

14. If it can’t be microwaved, it’s probably worth eating

15. Installing a microwave is harder, and then easier, than it looks

16. It’s better to accept what you have than chase a stork in the sky