NBC's New Fall Lineup

NBC’s New Fall Lineup

*New Program

MONDAY

7:00 The Voice

9:00 Carbon Footprint*

TUESDAY

7:00 The Voice

8:00 Puppy Love*

8:30 I’m Still Standing*

9:00 Parenthood

WEDNESDAY

7:00 She Said Yes!*

7:30 Benny*

8:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

9:00 Blank Slate*

THURSDAY

7:00 30 Rock

7:30 Up All Night

8:00 The Office

8:30 Parks and Recreation

9:00 Rock Center with Brian Williams

FRIDAY

7:00 Whitney

7:30 Community

8:00 Grimm

9:00 Dateline NBC: Exclusively Wife-Killing Husbands*

SATURDAY

7:00 Ad and Multiply*

8:00 Children of the Corn-Fed*

9:00 DSI: Miami*

SUNDAY

6:00 Dateline NBC

7:00 Fashion Star

8:00 The Celebrity Apprentice

9:00 It’s Not Pronounced ‘Bowling Ball’*

New Programs:

Carbon Footprint

Hosted by Al Gore, this enlightening weekly documentary describes 1001 ways that humans are killing the environment.  Carbon Footprint includes dramatic reenactments of ordinary people as they knowingly and unknowingly destroy the environment, and dramatic enactments of the effect on plant and animal life throughout the globe.

Puppy Love

Elliot Houseman (Zach Braff) is a shy bachelor making a go of it on his own in New York City.  Elliot works in a cubicle and lives in an apartment building that doesn’t allow pets.  But that doesn’t stop him from adopting one cute little Labrador puppy!  Between hiding his pet from the other residents and concentrating on working with a giant crush on his coworker Belle (Amy Smart), Elliot finds himself in hilarious situations week after week.

I’m Still Standing

As a writer on a sitcom based in New York City named “Blues Mothers” about a writer on a sitcom based on Elton John’s life and named “Pink Sunglasses”, Dex Moser incorporates moments from his own life into his work.  Critics love “Pink Sunglasses” and have called it “one of the greatest twice-embedded sitcoms ever written.”

She Said Yes!

Chelsea Handler, Laura Prepon and Taylor Swift anchor this spinoff of last year’s hit “Are You There, Chelsea?”  Peyton Mackenzie is a gal living on her own in New York City with a job at Macy’s, a budding Broadway career, a fiancé named Dakota, and an apartment across the hall from two attention-hogging sisters.  Follow Peyton as she struggles to become a relevant Broadway player and tries to convince Dakota to move up the wedding date.

Benny

This daring and groundbreaking new comedy shows the world from four-year-old Benny Tompkins’ point of view.  In a world that appears so big, Benny is just trying to learn the basics and make sense of what is going on around him in New York City.  Nominated for a pre-Emmy for camera work and scenes involving overheard grown-up discussions, this series is sure to put a smile on your face.

Blank Slate

John Blank never knew his father, and his mother abandoned him at an early age when she couldn’t handle the memory of the rape that conceived him.  Now John lives alone in a dark corner of New York City investigating rapes that have gone unreported or unsolved by the police.  Without knowing who their vigilante is, the victims are avenged as John Blank serves as judge, jury and possibly executioner in the faces of rapists and other monsters on the mean streets.

Dateline NBC: Exclusively Wife-Killing Husbands

Same show as regular Dateline seen on Fridays, but with a more accurate title.

Ad and Multiply

The second of NBC’s three new documentary series is presented with limited commercial interruption.  Narrated by Jack Black, this series features the most popular television and radio ads from the previous week.  On this family-friendly show you can see a weekly Top Ten countdown of the most paid for commercials.  Will your favorite commercial make it to number one?  Tune in and see!

Children of the Corn-Fed

This series documents the epidemic of obesity among the children of the Baby Boom generation.  Based in the Mid-West, see how the Baby Boomer’s active and honest lifestyles filled with manual labor such as farming and factory work led to prosperity, only to also lead to a scourge of overweight and spoiled children.  Hosted by your grandpa, hear about why this country is failing and how everyone got so “G** damn fat,” with special mentions of those “[redacted] sons of b*tches who moved into town last year.”

DSI: Miami

David Caruso stars as former homicide detective Umberto Venezuela, who leads a crack team of investigators (Death Scene Investigators) and forensic experts in solving crimes on the streets of steamy Miami. Together they scrutinize the evidence to bring heinous criminals to justice.

It’s Not Pronounced ‘Bowling Ball’

Stephanie Duckling is a housewife on a mission.  Her goal?  Getting by.  Living with her husband Alan (Mark Wahlberg), her two-year old daughter and her infant twin daughters, Stephanie (played by newcomer Stephan Bowlinball) juggles a demanding job, a suspect daycare, exploding diapers and extended family (with guest appearances by Ellen DeGeneres as Stephanie’s mother-in-law and Kate Upton as Alan’s ex-wife).  Enjoy a colorful portrayal of life outside the suburbs in this family drama featuring musical numbers and celebrity cameos.

Fox's New Fall Lineup

FOX’s New Fall Lineup

*New Program

MONDAY

7:00 Bones

8:00 Rabbi(t)*

TUESDAY

7:00 Raising Hope

7:30 Hannah in LA*

8:00 New Girl

8:30 &%$# You!*

WEDNESDAY

7:00 American Idol

THURSDAY

7:00 American Idol Rewind*

8:00 Glee

FRIDAY

7:00 Touch

8:00 Fringe

SATURDAY

6:00 Cops

6:30 Cops

7:00 Reality Kills Live*

8:00 Sharon*

SUNDAY (Animation Domination)

6:00 The Cleveland Show

6:30 Margaritaville*

7:00 The Simpsons

7:30 The Cleveland Jr Show*

8:00 Family Guy

8:30 American Dad

New Programs:

Rabbi(t)

Hugh Laurie stars as the Easter Bunny in this dark comedy about finding one’s identity.  The Easter Bunny is a Jewish minister who has been adopted by the Christian community as an icon.  Along with his friend SpongeBob Squarepants (a straight man upheld as a gay icon) they visit the lesser known parts of New York City and meet interesting people that help them come to terms with their own fame.

Hannah in LA

Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) is growing up now and going to college at USC.  Along with her friends she attends fraternity parties, studies for exams, and goes on the spring breaks of her lifetime.  See her interact with her revolving door of boyfriends including Vinnie (Frankie Muniz) and kid genius Manny (Rico Rodriguez).

&%$# You!

Rob Schneider has been in over forty sitcom pilots, 16 of which have made it to primetime television only to fail before the end of the first season.  In this sitcom we watch as Rob fails and fails again trying to make it back into showbiz.  This half hour gem involves Rob Schneider (writer and director) who has about as much respect for the viewing audience as they have for him, and he forces it down their throats.  &%$# You!

American Idol Rewind

American Idol Rewind is a half hour highlight show that exhibits the most popular moments from the previous night’s American Idol episode – minus the singing.  A great way to catch up on Ryan Seacrest’s snarky comments and Jennifer Lopez in HD – Ooh La La!

Reality Kills Live

This live audience interactive reality shows pits two insects against one another.  For the first ¾ of each episode the audience watches the two insects in jars on each side of a split screen and votes online to name the insects.  After the names are chosen, a furious online voting campaign begins to choose which of these insects will die, ending with the now infamous boot of RKL host Nick Lachey stomping on the loser.

Sharon

In a gripping series that is sure to induce tears of sadness, fury and laughter, Sharon (Julianne Moore) tries to get by the grind of daily life that is anything but routine.  Living with her husband, adult son, granddaughter and occasionally her grandchild’s mother, Sharon provides the sole income of the household and tries to balance romantic, maternal and tough love without losing it all.

Margaritaville

James is a down on his luck musician who played his final show on the smallest Hawaiian island when he ran out of money.  Watch weekly as he tries new schemes to make money and con tourists in order to get back to his home in Nebraska.  James is helped out by his friends and his pet parrot Iago (voiced by Gilbert Gottfried).  Hilarious hi-jinks ensue.

The Cleveland Jr Show

Seth MacFarlane creates yet another freaking spin-off show with one of his least funny characters.  Follow Cleveland Brown's son Cleveland Brown Jr. (Seth MacFarlane) as he moves to... I don't know... let's say Georgia, to live with his Chinese Aunt JuJu (Seth MacFarlane) and Uncle Chow Lee (Seth MacFarlane).  Yep.

Sixteen Worst Countries

Given the immense success and popularity of my latest countdown blog entry, I am back for more with my list of the sixteen worst countries.

16. England
Congratulations, eight and a half billion viewers watched your money go to waste marrying off the horse-faced future powerless leader of your country. Enjoy your high taxes that help pay for the palace that your figure-heads live in. Here in America we don’t need a king and queen. That’s why we kicked your butts in the revolutionary war. U-S-A! U-S-A!

15. Luxembourg
A friend of mine met a girl from Luxembourg on a plane once. Long story short, they never dated and never met again, for which I blame her nation of origin and vow revenge. Watch your back, you mothers!

14. France
Yeah, I know it’s easy to make fun of France and put them in a countdown like this because they are weak, never shower, drink only wine, are inconsiderate, arrogant, rude, lazy, bossy, snotty, unfaithful, unbearable, obnoxious, quick to surrender, self-important mimes. But I just think their flag is a rip-off of the Iowa flag. Get your own colors, euro trash!

13. Netherlands
I’m sorry, but by making every drug under the sun legal in Amsterdam you have made your country the Mecca of every loser stoner in my country. And by Mecca I don’t mean a place that they all go once in their lifetimes, I just mean a place that they would go if they had any money that wasn’t immediately blown on low quality Mary Jane grown in the ditch of a gravel road in rural Oklahoma. But according to my high school classmate Jeff he would be able to go if they just legalized pot in the USA, man, and then made it not just legal, but man like if they paid you to do it he would be like rich and then he would fly like all over the world, man, right? And he would help starving children in Africa and stuff by legalizing pot everywhere, man.

12. Haiti
As an employee of XYZ Insurance, I used to be interested in the untapped Haitian earthquake insurance market. I’m going to go ahead and say that idea is a no-go at this point.

11. Somalia
Where did these pirates come from all of a sudden? Just one day I’m watching the news and apparently some Somali pirates took over a ship. And then again and again they kept taking Western prisoners. Back in the day it would have been pretty cool, and even today it would be cool if these were the kind of pirates that used swords, parrots and eye patches. But instead they use guns now and wear torn clothes and look more pathetic on TV than the Pittsburgh Pirates.

10. United Arab Emirates
These guys are just the worst. Have you ever tried to fill out applications online and have to input your country? Sometimes USA is listed at the top, but sometimes you have to search through a list of 200 countries to find it. Then you think you got it when you see “United,” so you select it, only to find out later that you picked the wrong country thanks to these losers. Thanks a lot for making America #2 you jerks.

9. Iraq
Not sure how to make light of what has gone on in this country for eight years. I mean with the Sunnis, the Shiites and the Kurds there is infighting between different sects of the same religion. How does that make sense? That would be like if there was a country where Catholics and Protestants fight it out, which would of course be ridiculous…

8. Pakistan
Really? You didn’t know Osama Bin Laden was hiding out in your country? It’s not like he was in the mountains – he was hiding in the suburbs. He had a nice house with people coming and going. I think he even had a DirecTV satellite on the roof. Yeah, and he ordered the I Hate America channel package with HD, and even though HD costs an extra five dollars a month, he thought it was worth it. So don’t try to tell me you didn’t know where he was.

7. South Korea
Here in America we have a history of discriminating against people based on skin color. While it may be wrong, at least it makes some kind of sense. In Korea they discriminate based on a North/South designation. Just because of the direction that people are born they either get to have electricity and cool stuff, or they get to be poor and have a crazy-a$$ dictator. Have you seen one of those nighttime satellite images of the Korean peninsula where the South is all lit up and the North is dark? Grow up, South Korea, at least in the North they are communist so they know how to share.

6. Canada
Yeah, I still haven’t forgiven them for Celine Dion and Alanis Morisette. And Of Montreal sucks too.

5. Kenya
Yeah, I used to run… when I was eight! The Boston marathon and New York City Marathon are American races. Would it kill you just once to let an American win in my lifetime? Or are you going to keep hoarding all that money and taking it back to your country full of runners’ prize money mansions in the desert?

4. Colombia
Are you trying to tell me that after all these years this country hasn’t found a better way to get their main export to the United States except to go through Mexico? And Colombia would be such a great touristy place if it wasn’t for all the kidnappings and murders. Clean up your act and maybe look for a more efficient distribution channel that doesn’t involve [redacted].

3. Australia
“Come on, mate. What’s wrong with us, mate? Why are we on this countdown, mate? Give us a break, mate.” Yeah, I’ll give you a break just as soon as you take back Russell Crowe and stop spending all day f*7king kangaroos. “Actually, those are wallabies, mate.”

2. India
They took our jobs!

1. Mexico
[redacted]

Twenty Worst Artists

With all the hype around my first blog entry, I figured that my second entry better be just as good or better. So without further ado, here is my countdown of the twenty worst musical artists and their worst songs of all time.

20. Hall & Oates – So Close
I want to tell you exactly why this song kicks off my worst song list, but it’s not quite coming to me. Oh, I remember now, no wait, I can’t quite get it. It’s in there – it’s in my mind. It’s frustrating – it is so close, but so far away. The race for this position was also so close, but alas, not all of Hall & Oates’ songs could make it into the top twenty, so I chose this one.

19. Guns and Roses – Sweet Child of Mine
I learned as a kid that you sometimes need lights and music in your sweet corn field or else the raccoons will devastate your crop. My grandparents liked to play talk radio in the field to keep them away. Me? I would have chosen anything by G&R. I mean, even the lead singer’s name sounds grinding and irritating beyond all belief. I don’t think the raccoons could have endured listening to this and I would have been able to enjoy all that sweet corn of mine.

18. N*SYNC – God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You
This travesty occurred when teenage girls abandoned what tiny bit of sanity they actually had and embraced the least talented of the boy bands that broke out in the late 90’s. Not only is the song title ridiculously long, but if you are ever forced to listen to the song you will finally understand the meaning of eternity. Plus I would put a devil’s curse on anything that helped launch the career of Justin Timberlake.

17. Celine Dion – That’s the Way it Is
With Celine’s career stuck now in Vegas with all the other untalented and grating artists, we can all breathe easier knowing she’s not putting out anything new for a while. Back in the day, though, she was the hottest thing to come out of Canada and we were forced to listen to her howling for three and a half minutes at a time all day – especially after that big boat movie came out. If only the Titanic had been carrying all her CDs...

16. The Beatles – She Loves You (Yeah Yeah Yeah)
Not only did these guys dominate the airwaves during my parents’ formative years, they dominated our stereos during my childhoods as well as Dad was always in control of the tunes. Sure their songs could be catchy, but catchy doesn’t equal good – especially in a song where half the words are “yeah.”

15. Europe – Final Countdown
In a countdown about the worst songs of all time it’s hard to leave off the final one. I have a game for you – see how many songs by Europe you can name and then, if you came up with any others, try to name the year you last heard it. There’s a reason this game is so hard.

14. Bonnie Raitt – Something to Talk About
You want something to talk about? How about any person who intentionally puts this song on to play suddenly and mysteriously disappears, only for their lifeless bodies to reappear in a river missing all of their fingers? Yeah, that’s a bit harsh, but I cannot possibly describe the torture of listening to this song without mentioning dead bodies and missing extremities.

13. Eminem – Cleaning Out My Closet
Not enough can be said about the disturbing lack of talent, common sense, compassion and mental stability of Eminem; but then to even discuss it brings credibility to this disgusting excuse for a human being. In this song he rants on his mother. In other songs he goes off on his wife/ex-wife/wife/ex-wife. The only reason he isn’t listed higher in this countdown is I fear the incompetent backlash from other pathetic white boys living a lie.

12. Sister Sledge – We Are Family
Yes, yes. You are family. You’ve got all your sisters with you. Everybody is hugging and has their arms around each other while they dance and smile and sport the worst stereotypical haircuts from each respective decade. This song is timeless only in the fact that time seems to stop every time I am forced to hear it at a wedding. In fact, it would easily make my Twenty Worst Wedding Songs countdown. By the way, who can sing more than two lines of this song? Anyone?

11. Third Eye Blind – How’s It Going To Be
Tell me what is more infuriating: that this band was made famous by the Great White Jackass Explosion of the 90’s, or the fact that this guy’s whiny voice somehow turns women on the whole country over. These guys were emo before emo was popular. This song was the big payoff of their first album which featured songs about breakups, drugs, and breakups involving drugs. And it was part of a long line of songs that incorrectly used the word “oblivion” just because it sounded cool. Nice try, but Mike Tyson is the one who made the word cool.

10. matchbox20 – 3AM
Did someone say “Great White Jackass Explosion of the 90’s?” These guys defined it. How did one band whose songs all sounded the same become so popular? (Oh wait, I already covered the Beatles.) Overplayed and underwhelming is probably what the official flag of matchbox20 should say. There might not be much to hate, but there sure isn’t much to like either.

9. Elvis – All Shook Up
Now this was a hard one to pick. How can you choose just one Elvis song to exemplify all that is terrible and boring about the musical artist? In the end you could stick any of his songs up there. This guy was just a solo example of the first boy band to make it big on celebrity alone and not musical talent. One day we’ll elect our presidents this way. (Oh wait again, we already do?)

8. Aqua – Barbie Girl
Die! Die! Die! Why won’t this song die? It’s like an audio assault on my brain. Barbie girl, Barbie world, Ahhhh! Is this what they have been playing for those poor terrorists in Guantanamo? I am no longer in favor of torture! When I hear it I think it would be fantastic to be wrapped in plastic so I could quickly suffocate and die, unlike this song which Will. Not. Die.

7. Nickelback – Rockstar
It’s always sad when your favorite band sells out and starts playing “mainstream” music, but Nickelback fans have to watch them sell out with each new album release. And each time it gets worse and worse. Unfortunately I have nothing funny to say about it because it’s just sickening. And their anthem Rockstar is a wonderful portrayal of an average American teenager’s dream to become a famous, drug-addicted a$$hole.

6. Gwen Stefani – Holla Back Girl
Selecting a worst Gwen Stefani song was a breeze – it’s like picking your favorite color of white – you can’t go wrong! But it really was easy. When Stefani was at the peak of her powers and insanity she put four Japanese girls into her music videos and pretended they were enough to make the songs good. They were not. I just kept hoping that the Japanese girls were part of some kind of fetish and that they would accidentally choke Gwen to death because she forgot the safe word. No such luck.

5. B52’s – Love Shack
What a dreadful combination of female and male voices the B52’s made. And what a dreadful song they made as well. What exactly is the Love Shack? And don’t tell me it’s a little old place where we can get together. Is it a place for parties? Is it a place where people just get together for random hookups? Are they doing Ecstasy there? I can’t decide if I want to go. But trust me, if I have to hear your song one more time then the Love Shack will be a little old place where I dump your bodies. And I won’t forget my jukebox money.

4. Backstreet Boys – I Want It That Way
You are my fire, my one desire. Believe when I say, I want it that way. Oh no, this cannot be happening! This song is not actually on this countdown. This song is awesome! Tell me why-y? I demand a do-over!

4. Creed – With Arms Wide Open
Enough with your feel-good rock songs! Do you want people to rock, or do you want them to cry about your hard rock emo? And what’s with the religious undertones? We know the lead singer was a choir boy, so is this a Christian band? Nope, because you can’t sell religion in your mainstream rock band so let’s pussyfoot around it. And please stop playing that nasty song you wrote for your baby boy, it’s awful. So Creed, please take the Higher road and don’t make My Sacrifice be listening to your pompous yelling anymore.

3. Ricky Martin – Livin’ La Vida Loca
All I have typed is the title and this song is already raging through my brain. The release of this song happened to coincide with my high school graduation. I specifically remember writing thank you notes to everyone at my party while this song blared in the background. I remember thinking that there aren’t many women who could make me take my clothes off and go dancing in the rain, so this chick must be pretty darn loca, and hot. But she wasn’t, she actually turned out to be a gay Hispanic dude that release a handful more songs that all became brain viruses that could not even be escaped years later when some Asian guy who couldn’t even sing brought one of them back to life. She bangs, she bangs!

2. Alanis Morisette – Ironic
Out of all of the female artists and all of their songs, I do not believe there is an entire catalogue I detest more than Alanis’s. Forget Barbie Girl, this is what they play in prison camps to make the terrorist talk. Who can stand to listen to her whiny voice for more than three or four excruciating seconds at a time? It’s strange to think that something this offensive could come from Canada, but then we already discussed Celine. I can remember starting junior high and listening to Alanis during art class. I remember thinking “if this is what life has in store for me, we need to just end it right here.” Fortunately I didn’t; unfortunately neither did Alanis.

1. Santana featuring Rob Thomas – Smooth
Here we are. The worst song ever recorded. It combines Carlos Santana – an old guitar-playing Mexican guy who used to be popular in the 70’s and wasted many a stoner’s hours with guitar solos that not even the die hard, brain damaged fans could enjoy – and Rob Thomas, the lead singer of mathcbox20. When this number came out you knew it would be the death of us all, and it was as it launched the second career of Santana’s Pothead Guitar Solos and the solo career of Rob Thomas – the mastermind behind such hits as mathbox20’s Back To Good, which put the best of aficionados to sleep. The worst part is this song sat on top of the Adult Contemporary charts for 26 weeks – half a year! No human being this side of the Amazon forest could escape its wrath. If I had known about how much of a stress reliever cutting yourself was, I would have started back during this song’s reign. But then it’s probably good I didn’t or I probably would have sliced off four of my limbs before it was over (don’t ask me how that’s possible).

So that’s it. That’s the countdown for today. Hope you hated it as much as I did.

I like Pie

“I like Pie” (feat. Ear_elephant and B.M.)

[Chorus: Clem Dogg]

(cuz I like I like I like I like I like)

We be serious and we ain’t messing wit’ desserts (I like pie)

Tryin’ get some sweets we don’t we don’t want the worst (I like pie)

Cuttin’, slicin’, servin’ I be messing with blueberries (I like pie)

Baby it the best if you serve me up some cherry (I like pie)

Don’t need no cake or cookies in my neighborhood (I like pie)

Dish me somethin’ somethin’ better f*ckin’ make it good (I like pie)

Pumpkin, raisin, pecan all the best is how we fly (I like pie)

Baby I won’t f*ck with you ya know that I like pie (I like pie)

[Verse 1: Clem Dogg]

Big pimps make big hoes

Money out the nose

An apple a day keep the doctor away

Keep the doctor away he ain’t here to play

Tell the ladies I’m a doctor in the club

They so satisfied they in love

This n*gga’s pickup line is only just a hello

This n*gga look so lame like he sippin on some Jell-O

His finger in the air cuz he actin’ dainty

N*ggas don’t wear makeup fool never gonna paint me

You fools don’t know me I can put you in pain though

You fools full of sh*t like you livin’ on a rainbow

You never see me beggin’ never see me on my knees

You think I be some little b*tch, come on n*gga please

Cryin’ by the bathroom in the club you a p*ssy

You let yo b*tch slap you then you a p*ssy

Better hide yo daughters cuz you know that I got money

If I see yo daughter gonna make her my honey (I like pie)

(I like I like I like I like I like)

[B.M. Speaking:]

If you want to exchange pleasantries

You are in the incorrect department

[Verse 2: B.M.]

The shawties love my song

You know we ain’t wrong

You know I ain’t wrong

Cuz I am so strong

An’ it won’t take long

Before she’s on my schl*ng

But that’s just me gamin’

You know what I’m sayin’

Don’t let me catch you prayin’

Unless you platinum and you sprayin’

Out the lyrics and the rhymes

I do it all the time

Mixin’ tequila and lime

This white boy’s name is Dennis

I take him to the dentist

We hook him up with a grill

Now he lookin’ chill

Cuz we hook him with a grill

With diamonds in his face

And his Bentley set to race

We play with him for days

Freak out with Tyra at her place

Tyra Banks ain’t got time to waste

And you know she gonna slap yo face

Cuz we is in charge and we is hitting

We break you down to the nitty gritty

When we get released have pity on the city

[Verse 3: Ear_elephant]

(b*tches b*tches b*tches b*tches) don’t know what hit them

When I play my pickup line

The ones I hit them with it

You know them b*tches be fine

I say “hasta luego”

I say “a la derecha”

And “¿Donde esta”
“la biblioteca?”

She say “me likey me gusta” and “here looky looky”

“I want you to reside up here in my p*ssy”

Don’t hate me cuz I’m fly

Give my love a try

They love my two languages

They love it when I showbiz

When it comes to nailin’ a hoe

I am El Españolo (I like pie)

[Chorus: Clem Dogg]
(cuz I like I like I like I like I like)

We is serious and no we don’t messin’ wit’ desserts (I like pie)

Tryin’ get some sweets we don’t we don’t want the hurts (I like pie)

Cuttin’, slicin’, servin’ I be messing with blueberries (I like pie)

Baby it the best if you serve me up some cherry (I like pie)

Don’t need no cake or cookies in my neighborhood (I like pie)

Dish me somethin’ somethin’ better f*ckin’ make it good (I like pie)

Pumpkin, raisin, pecan all the best is how we fly (I like pie)

Baby I won’t f*ck with you ya know that I like pie (I like pie)

(I like I like I like I like I like)

[Verse 4: Clem Dogg]

That’s why you know us

So the shawties can blow us

Shawties like JLo

That I hear on the radio

Dancin’ is so slow

When I dancin’ wi’ da hoes

We grindin’ and we rubbin’

Together like a muffin (English)

Trainin’ for a marathon

And do it when your clothes are on

The ladies love their horses in da Moines

The guys be douchebags all in da Moines

Douchey and Horsey hookin’ up in da Moines
You’d think that they were high

But they jus’ want their pie

[Chorus: Clem Dogg]

(cuz I like I like I like I like I like)

We is serious and no we don’t messin’ wit’ desserts (I like pie)

Tryin’ get some sweets we don’t we don’t want the hurts (I like pie)

Cuttin’, slicin’, servin’ I be messing with blueberries (I like pie)

Baby it the best if you serve me up some cherry (I like pie)

Don’t need no cake or cookies in my neighborhood (I like pie)

Dish me somethin’ somethin’ better f*ckin’ make it good (I like pie)

Pumpkin, raisin, pecan all the best is how we fly (I like pie)

Baby I won’t f*ck with you ya know that I like pie (I like pie)

Clems, B.M., Ear_elephant

Pie cravings change behavior

Get down to Village Inn

They is the pie man’s savior!