Sixteen Worst Countries

Given the immense success and popularity of my latest countdown blog entry, I am back for more with my list of the sixteen worst countries.

16. England
Congratulations, eight and a half billion viewers watched your money go to waste marrying off the horse-faced future powerless leader of your country. Enjoy your high taxes that help pay for the palace that your figure-heads live in. Here in America we don’t need a king and queen. That’s why we kicked your butts in the revolutionary war. U-S-A! U-S-A!

15. Luxembourg
A friend of mine met a girl from Luxembourg on a plane once. Long story short, they never dated and never met again, for which I blame her nation of origin and vow revenge. Watch your back, you mothers!

14. France
Yeah, I know it’s easy to make fun of France and put them in a countdown like this because they are weak, never shower, drink only wine, are inconsiderate, arrogant, rude, lazy, bossy, snotty, unfaithful, unbearable, obnoxious, quick to surrender, self-important mimes. But I just think their flag is a rip-off of the Iowa flag. Get your own colors, euro trash!

13. Netherlands
I’m sorry, but by making every drug under the sun legal in Amsterdam you have made your country the Mecca of every loser stoner in my country. And by Mecca I don’t mean a place that they all go once in their lifetimes, I just mean a place that they would go if they had any money that wasn’t immediately blown on low quality Mary Jane grown in the ditch of a gravel road in rural Oklahoma. But according to my high school classmate Jeff he would be able to go if they just legalized pot in the USA, man, and then made it not just legal, but man like if they paid you to do it he would be like rich and then he would fly like all over the world, man, right? And he would help starving children in Africa and stuff by legalizing pot everywhere, man.

12. Haiti
As an employee of XYZ Insurance, I used to be interested in the untapped Haitian earthquake insurance market. I’m going to go ahead and say that idea is a no-go at this point.

11. Somalia
Where did these pirates come from all of a sudden? Just one day I’m watching the news and apparently some Somali pirates took over a ship. And then again and again they kept taking Western prisoners. Back in the day it would have been pretty cool, and even today it would be cool if these were the kind of pirates that used swords, parrots and eye patches. But instead they use guns now and wear torn clothes and look more pathetic on TV than the Pittsburgh Pirates.

10. United Arab Emirates
These guys are just the worst. Have you ever tried to fill out applications online and have to input your country? Sometimes USA is listed at the top, but sometimes you have to search through a list of 200 countries to find it. Then you think you got it when you see “United,” so you select it, only to find out later that you picked the wrong country thanks to these losers. Thanks a lot for making America #2 you jerks.

9. Iraq
Not sure how to make light of what has gone on in this country for eight years. I mean with the Sunnis, the Shiites and the Kurds there is infighting between different sects of the same religion. How does that make sense? That would be like if there was a country where Catholics and Protestants fight it out, which would of course be ridiculous…

8. Pakistan
Really? You didn’t know Osama Bin Laden was hiding out in your country? It’s not like he was in the mountains – he was hiding in the suburbs. He had a nice house with people coming and going. I think he even had a DirecTV satellite on the roof. Yeah, and he ordered the I Hate America channel package with HD, and even though HD costs an extra five dollars a month, he thought it was worth it. So don’t try to tell me you didn’t know where he was.

7. South Korea
Here in America we have a history of discriminating against people based on skin color. While it may be wrong, at least it makes some kind of sense. In Korea they discriminate based on a North/South designation. Just because of the direction that people are born they either get to have electricity and cool stuff, or they get to be poor and have a crazy-a$$ dictator. Have you seen one of those nighttime satellite images of the Korean peninsula where the South is all lit up and the North is dark? Grow up, South Korea, at least in the North they are communist so they know how to share.

6. Canada
Yeah, I still haven’t forgiven them for Celine Dion and Alanis Morisette. And Of Montreal sucks too.

5. Kenya
Yeah, I used to run… when I was eight! The Boston marathon and New York City Marathon are American races. Would it kill you just once to let an American win in my lifetime? Or are you going to keep hoarding all that money and taking it back to your country full of runners’ prize money mansions in the desert?

4. Colombia
Are you trying to tell me that after all these years this country hasn’t found a better way to get their main export to the United States except to go through Mexico? And Colombia would be such a great touristy place if it wasn’t for all the kidnappings and murders. Clean up your act and maybe look for a more efficient distribution channel that doesn’t involve [redacted].

3. Australia
“Come on, mate. What’s wrong with us, mate? Why are we on this countdown, mate? Give us a break, mate.” Yeah, I’ll give you a break just as soon as you take back Russell Crowe and stop spending all day f*7king kangaroos. “Actually, those are wallabies, mate.”

2. India
They took our jobs!

1. Mexico
[redacted]

Twenty Worst Artists

With all the hype around my first blog entry, I figured that my second entry better be just as good or better. So without further ado, here is my countdown of the twenty worst musical artists and their worst songs of all time.

20. Hall & Oates – So Close
I want to tell you exactly why this song kicks off my worst song list, but it’s not quite coming to me. Oh, I remember now, no wait, I can’t quite get it. It’s in there – it’s in my mind. It’s frustrating – it is so close, but so far away. The race for this position was also so close, but alas, not all of Hall & Oates’ songs could make it into the top twenty, so I chose this one.

19. Guns and Roses – Sweet Child of Mine
I learned as a kid that you sometimes need lights and music in your sweet corn field or else the raccoons will devastate your crop. My grandparents liked to play talk radio in the field to keep them away. Me? I would have chosen anything by G&R. I mean, even the lead singer’s name sounds grinding and irritating beyond all belief. I don’t think the raccoons could have endured listening to this and I would have been able to enjoy all that sweet corn of mine.

18. N*SYNC – God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You
This travesty occurred when teenage girls abandoned what tiny bit of sanity they actually had and embraced the least talented of the boy bands that broke out in the late 90’s. Not only is the song title ridiculously long, but if you are ever forced to listen to the song you will finally understand the meaning of eternity. Plus I would put a devil’s curse on anything that helped launch the career of Justin Timberlake.

17. Celine Dion – That’s the Way it Is
With Celine’s career stuck now in Vegas with all the other untalented and grating artists, we can all breathe easier knowing she’s not putting out anything new for a while. Back in the day, though, she was the hottest thing to come out of Canada and we were forced to listen to her howling for three and a half minutes at a time all day – especially after that big boat movie came out. If only the Titanic had been carrying all her CDs...

16. The Beatles – She Loves You (Yeah Yeah Yeah)
Not only did these guys dominate the airwaves during my parents’ formative years, they dominated our stereos during my childhoods as well as Dad was always in control of the tunes. Sure their songs could be catchy, but catchy doesn’t equal good – especially in a song where half the words are “yeah.”

15. Europe – Final Countdown
In a countdown about the worst songs of all time it’s hard to leave off the final one. I have a game for you – see how many songs by Europe you can name and then, if you came up with any others, try to name the year you last heard it. There’s a reason this game is so hard.

14. Bonnie Raitt – Something to Talk About
You want something to talk about? How about any person who intentionally puts this song on to play suddenly and mysteriously disappears, only for their lifeless bodies to reappear in a river missing all of their fingers? Yeah, that’s a bit harsh, but I cannot possibly describe the torture of listening to this song without mentioning dead bodies and missing extremities.

13. Eminem – Cleaning Out My Closet
Not enough can be said about the disturbing lack of talent, common sense, compassion and mental stability of Eminem; but then to even discuss it brings credibility to this disgusting excuse for a human being. In this song he rants on his mother. In other songs he goes off on his wife/ex-wife/wife/ex-wife. The only reason he isn’t listed higher in this countdown is I fear the incompetent backlash from other pathetic white boys living a lie.

12. Sister Sledge – We Are Family
Yes, yes. You are family. You’ve got all your sisters with you. Everybody is hugging and has their arms around each other while they dance and smile and sport the worst stereotypical haircuts from each respective decade. This song is timeless only in the fact that time seems to stop every time I am forced to hear it at a wedding. In fact, it would easily make my Twenty Worst Wedding Songs countdown. By the way, who can sing more than two lines of this song? Anyone?

11. Third Eye Blind – How’s It Going To Be
Tell me what is more infuriating: that this band was made famous by the Great White Jackass Explosion of the 90’s, or the fact that this guy’s whiny voice somehow turns women on the whole country over. These guys were emo before emo was popular. This song was the big payoff of their first album which featured songs about breakups, drugs, and breakups involving drugs. And it was part of a long line of songs that incorrectly used the word “oblivion” just because it sounded cool. Nice try, but Mike Tyson is the one who made the word cool.

10. matchbox20 – 3AM
Did someone say “Great White Jackass Explosion of the 90’s?” These guys defined it. How did one band whose songs all sounded the same become so popular? (Oh wait, I already covered the Beatles.) Overplayed and underwhelming is probably what the official flag of matchbox20 should say. There might not be much to hate, but there sure isn’t much to like either.

9. Elvis – All Shook Up
Now this was a hard one to pick. How can you choose just one Elvis song to exemplify all that is terrible and boring about the musical artist? In the end you could stick any of his songs up there. This guy was just a solo example of the first boy band to make it big on celebrity alone and not musical talent. One day we’ll elect our presidents this way. (Oh wait again, we already do?)

8. Aqua – Barbie Girl
Die! Die! Die! Why won’t this song die? It’s like an audio assault on my brain. Barbie girl, Barbie world, Ahhhh! Is this what they have been playing for those poor terrorists in Guantanamo? I am no longer in favor of torture! When I hear it I think it would be fantastic to be wrapped in plastic so I could quickly suffocate and die, unlike this song which Will. Not. Die.

7. Nickelback – Rockstar
It’s always sad when your favorite band sells out and starts playing “mainstream” music, but Nickelback fans have to watch them sell out with each new album release. And each time it gets worse and worse. Unfortunately I have nothing funny to say about it because it’s just sickening. And their anthem Rockstar is a wonderful portrayal of an average American teenager’s dream to become a famous, drug-addicted a$$hole.

6. Gwen Stefani – Holla Back Girl
Selecting a worst Gwen Stefani song was a breeze – it’s like picking your favorite color of white – you can’t go wrong! But it really was easy. When Stefani was at the peak of her powers and insanity she put four Japanese girls into her music videos and pretended they were enough to make the songs good. They were not. I just kept hoping that the Japanese girls were part of some kind of fetish and that they would accidentally choke Gwen to death because she forgot the safe word. No such luck.

5. B52’s – Love Shack
What a dreadful combination of female and male voices the B52’s made. And what a dreadful song they made as well. What exactly is the Love Shack? And don’t tell me it’s a little old place where we can get together. Is it a place for parties? Is it a place where people just get together for random hookups? Are they doing Ecstasy there? I can’t decide if I want to go. But trust me, if I have to hear your song one more time then the Love Shack will be a little old place where I dump your bodies. And I won’t forget my jukebox money.

4. Backstreet Boys – I Want It That Way
You are my fire, my one desire. Believe when I say, I want it that way. Oh no, this cannot be happening! This song is not actually on this countdown. This song is awesome! Tell me why-y? I demand a do-over!

4. Creed – With Arms Wide Open
Enough with your feel-good rock songs! Do you want people to rock, or do you want them to cry about your hard rock emo? And what’s with the religious undertones? We know the lead singer was a choir boy, so is this a Christian band? Nope, because you can’t sell religion in your mainstream rock band so let’s pussyfoot around it. And please stop playing that nasty song you wrote for your baby boy, it’s awful. So Creed, please take the Higher road and don’t make My Sacrifice be listening to your pompous yelling anymore.

3. Ricky Martin – Livin’ La Vida Loca
All I have typed is the title and this song is already raging through my brain. The release of this song happened to coincide with my high school graduation. I specifically remember writing thank you notes to everyone at my party while this song blared in the background. I remember thinking that there aren’t many women who could make me take my clothes off and go dancing in the rain, so this chick must be pretty darn loca, and hot. But she wasn’t, she actually turned out to be a gay Hispanic dude that release a handful more songs that all became brain viruses that could not even be escaped years later when some Asian guy who couldn’t even sing brought one of them back to life. She bangs, she bangs!

2. Alanis Morisette – Ironic
Out of all of the female artists and all of their songs, I do not believe there is an entire catalogue I detest more than Alanis’s. Forget Barbie Girl, this is what they play in prison camps to make the terrorist talk. Who can stand to listen to her whiny voice for more than three or four excruciating seconds at a time? It’s strange to think that something this offensive could come from Canada, but then we already discussed Celine. I can remember starting junior high and listening to Alanis during art class. I remember thinking “if this is what life has in store for me, we need to just end it right here.” Fortunately I didn’t; unfortunately neither did Alanis.

1. Santana featuring Rob Thomas – Smooth
Here we are. The worst song ever recorded. It combines Carlos Santana – an old guitar-playing Mexican guy who used to be popular in the 70’s and wasted many a stoner’s hours with guitar solos that not even the die hard, brain damaged fans could enjoy – and Rob Thomas, the lead singer of mathcbox20. When this number came out you knew it would be the death of us all, and it was as it launched the second career of Santana’s Pothead Guitar Solos and the solo career of Rob Thomas – the mastermind behind such hits as mathbox20’s Back To Good, which put the best of aficionados to sleep. The worst part is this song sat on top of the Adult Contemporary charts for 26 weeks – half a year! No human being this side of the Amazon forest could escape its wrath. If I had known about how much of a stress reliever cutting yourself was, I would have started back during this song’s reign. But then it’s probably good I didn’t or I probably would have sliced off four of my limbs before it was over (don’t ask me how that’s possible).

So that’s it. That’s the countdown for today. Hope you hated it as much as I did.

I like Pie

“I like Pie” (feat. Ear_elephant and B.M.)

[Chorus: Clem Dogg]

(cuz I like I like I like I like I like)

We be serious and we ain’t messing wit’ desserts (I like pie)

Tryin’ get some sweets we don’t we don’t want the worst (I like pie)

Cuttin’, slicin’, servin’ I be messing with blueberries (I like pie)

Baby it the best if you serve me up some cherry (I like pie)

Don’t need no cake or cookies in my neighborhood (I like pie)

Dish me somethin’ somethin’ better f*ckin’ make it good (I like pie)

Pumpkin, raisin, pecan all the best is how we fly (I like pie)

Baby I won’t f*ck with you ya know that I like pie (I like pie)

[Verse 1: Clem Dogg]

Big pimps make big hoes

Money out the nose

An apple a day keep the doctor away

Keep the doctor away he ain’t here to play

Tell the ladies I’m a doctor in the club

They so satisfied they in love

This n*gga’s pickup line is only just a hello

This n*gga look so lame like he sippin on some Jell-O

His finger in the air cuz he actin’ dainty

N*ggas don’t wear makeup fool never gonna paint me

You fools don’t know me I can put you in pain though

You fools full of sh*t like you livin’ on a rainbow

You never see me beggin’ never see me on my knees

You think I be some little b*tch, come on n*gga please

Cryin’ by the bathroom in the club you a p*ssy

You let yo b*tch slap you then you a p*ssy

Better hide yo daughters cuz you know that I got money

If I see yo daughter gonna make her my honey (I like pie)

(I like I like I like I like I like)

[B.M. Speaking:]

If you want to exchange pleasantries

You are in the incorrect department

[Verse 2: B.M.]

The shawties love my song

You know we ain’t wrong

You know I ain’t wrong

Cuz I am so strong

An’ it won’t take long

Before she’s on my schl*ng

But that’s just me gamin’

You know what I’m sayin’

Don’t let me catch you prayin’

Unless you platinum and you sprayin’

Out the lyrics and the rhymes

I do it all the time

Mixin’ tequila and lime

This white boy’s name is Dennis

I take him to the dentist

We hook him up with a grill

Now he lookin’ chill

Cuz we hook him with a grill

With diamonds in his face

And his Bentley set to race

We play with him for days

Freak out with Tyra at her place

Tyra Banks ain’t got time to waste

And you know she gonna slap yo face

Cuz we is in charge and we is hitting

We break you down to the nitty gritty

When we get released have pity on the city

[Verse 3: Ear_elephant]

(b*tches b*tches b*tches b*tches) don’t know what hit them

When I play my pickup line

The ones I hit them with it

You know them b*tches be fine

I say “hasta luego”

I say “a la derecha”

And “¿Donde esta”
“la biblioteca?”

She say “me likey me gusta” and “here looky looky”

“I want you to reside up here in my p*ssy”

Don’t hate me cuz I’m fly

Give my love a try

They love my two languages

They love it when I showbiz

When it comes to nailin’ a hoe

I am El Españolo (I like pie)

[Chorus: Clem Dogg]
(cuz I like I like I like I like I like)

We is serious and no we don’t messin’ wit’ desserts (I like pie)

Tryin’ get some sweets we don’t we don’t want the hurts (I like pie)

Cuttin’, slicin’, servin’ I be messing with blueberries (I like pie)

Baby it the best if you serve me up some cherry (I like pie)

Don’t need no cake or cookies in my neighborhood (I like pie)

Dish me somethin’ somethin’ better f*ckin’ make it good (I like pie)

Pumpkin, raisin, pecan all the best is how we fly (I like pie)

Baby I won’t f*ck with you ya know that I like pie (I like pie)

(I like I like I like I like I like)

[Verse 4: Clem Dogg]

That’s why you know us

So the shawties can blow us

Shawties like JLo

That I hear on the radio

Dancin’ is so slow

When I dancin’ wi’ da hoes

We grindin’ and we rubbin’

Together like a muffin (English)

Trainin’ for a marathon

And do it when your clothes are on

The ladies love their horses in da Moines

The guys be douchebags all in da Moines

Douchey and Horsey hookin’ up in da Moines
You’d think that they were high

But they jus’ want their pie

[Chorus: Clem Dogg]

(cuz I like I like I like I like I like)

We is serious and no we don’t messin’ wit’ desserts (I like pie)

Tryin’ get some sweets we don’t we don’t want the hurts (I like pie)

Cuttin’, slicin’, servin’ I be messing with blueberries (I like pie)

Baby it the best if you serve me up some cherry (I like pie)

Don’t need no cake or cookies in my neighborhood (I like pie)

Dish me somethin’ somethin’ better f*ckin’ make it good (I like pie)

Pumpkin, raisin, pecan all the best is how we fly (I like pie)

Baby I won’t f*ck with you ya know that I like pie (I like pie)

Clems, B.M., Ear_elephant

Pie cravings change behavior

Get down to Village Inn

They is the pie man’s savior!

Avril’s Revenge

“Avril’s Revenge”
A song written for Avril

Sometimes in bed when I’m lying awake
I can’t get to sleep ‘cause I’m lying awake
I’m thinking about how we met
And how I’ve felt since we met

Baby, I don’t want you to leave me
But I’m afraid that you might leave me
Don’t think I can’t see what you’re thinking
And I know, I know what you are thinking

At home, alone
Alone, alone
At home, alone
Alone, alone
Yeah, yeah, baby
Yeah, yeah, baby

You said a familiar line to me
It just crossed the line to me
I’m afraid that we are breaking up now
I wish that we weren’t breaking up now

I loved of our time together as a couple
I still want to stay together as a couple
Irresponsible, unprotected, pre-marital sex, yeah!
Irresponsible, unprotected, pre-marital sex, yeah!
Yeah, yeah!

At home, alone
Alone, alone
At home, alone
Alone, alone
Yeah, yeah, baby
Yeah, yeah, baby

Sometimes we’ve got to find
I think I can blow your mind
Something that we’ve got to find
So I’m gonna blow your mind

Maybe some time in the future you’ll see
We were meant to stay together you’ll see
But somehow I don’t think that you learned
I hope to one day know what you learned
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

At home, alone, alone, alone
At home, alone, alone, alone
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah baby baby

Appearances (The Uni-Brow Song)

“Appearances (The Uni-Brow Song)”

Goofy-looking kid

I don’t look good

But you’d swear that I did

And then you would

Admire my hygiene

Admire my hygiene

Combing my hair

Brushing my teeth

So the plaque leaves them bare

But underneath

I’m a normal-looking guy

A normal-looking guy, normal-looking guy

Holy cow

I’m plucking my uni-brow

Don’t think I’m done yet

If I see them there

I’m pulling out each hair

How do you like me now?

Put in my contacts

Not wearing glasses

And I know how to act

From taking classes

To make up for my looks

Make up for my looks, up for my looks

Holy cow

I’m plucking my uni-brow

Don’t think I’m done yet

If I see them there

I’m pulling out each hair

How do you like me now?

Fancy clothes, expensive hairdo

Fancy clothes, expensive hairdo, hey

Holy cow

I’m plucking my uni-brow

Don’t think I’m done yet

If I see them there

I’m pulling out each hair

How do you like me now?

How do you like me now?

I’m metrosexual

I’m metrosexual

I’m metrosexual

The Job Search

“The Job Search” (feat. R******)

When you’re out of work on the planet Earth

You need to put some effort into your job search

Want to know what it’s all about?

“How do you make yourself stand out?”

When you’re in an interview let your colors burst

Remember to “highlight your hard skills first”

When you’re sending thank-you notes, don’t feel too gallant

Cuz “in this economy there is a war on talent”

Shake hands with your interviewer when you’re on their floor

“My name is Stephanie; I have never blogged before”

We are unemployed and we act like monkeys

In “a world littered with… smart phone junkies”

You need a job and you feel like you can’t wait?

“You need to take control of things as a candidate”

You send out applications and then you hope and pray

“Individuals may lack key skills that employers need today”

Sometimes you’ll want to say that to “feed your kids” is hard

I’ll say that you had better “stop pulling that sympathy card”

“You need to learn to market yourself” and “bring something to the table”

I say you should “Take Ownership” if you are physically able

Shake hands with your interviewer when you’re on their floor

“My name is Stephanie; I have never blogged before”

We are unemployed and we act like monkeys

In “a world littered with… smart phone junkies”

“Stop talking too much” yeah - don’t have so much to say

And for heaven’s sake “stop calling the same people every day”

“Keep an entirely separate calendar for your job search” – true!

“What works for one person won’t always work for you.”

“General topics to stay away from are… workers compensation”

“Make a note of major key points that happen in each conversation”

Trouble getting employed and fighting bouts of sorrow?

“Don’t expect to magically get the job tomorrow”

Shake hands with your interviewer when you’re on their floor

“My name is Stephanie; I have never blogged before”

We are unemployed and we act like monkeys

In “a world littered with… smart phone junkies”

“St- St- St- Stephanie; I have never blogged before”

Unemployed, unemployed, unemployed monkeys

“A world littered with multi-tasking smart phone junkies”

In My Hands

“In My Hands”

West Philly

East Portland

Dem gangstas in Oregon

Watchtower

Clean shower

Cleanin’ clocks for half a hour

Yellow birds

Ruby rings

They all doing nature’s thing

Calm down

Step aside

Or we gon’ ride formaldehyde

She's short

He's tall

It don't matter they're horizontal

I'm a thug

She's hot

Some do, some not

How it was

All because

We all backstreet pretty thugs

Hollywood

Graceland

Got the money in my hands

Bed of fries

Head of flies

Takin’ it off on the inside

PC

Load letter

Baseball bat don’t get much better

Tissue box

Wipe your face

Prison is another place

Want a profit

Gotta live

Hang with distant relatives

Grills, stoves

Crock pots

Sliced pastrami with tiny dots

Power strips

Electric

Shut them off to save a bit

Cold food

Thursdays

Hairy airports with delays

Horse race

In mud

You know I’m the biggest stud

Big trout

Handout

Free fish what I’m talkin’ ‘bout

I am

Same time

This is how I share my rhymes

I fix it

I mix it

Slumber party sellin’ tickets

Pop it once

Pop us thugs

Bullets: candy; guns are hugs

Yo I got the money!

Yo I got the money!

(Y’all hearin’ this?)

Yo I got the money!

In my hands

Realities

“Realities”

The man comes knockin’

We both don’t know

This room will be rockin’

With muzzle glow

He want his money

He all waving his gat

You know it ain’t funny

Disrespect me like that

I walk around the sofa

I push it in his knees

That fool go falling ova’

And then he drop his piece

Then we both start racin’

I grab my favorite nine

We shoot hell up that place, an’

The last shot heard was mine

We all living on this earth

With lives all twistin’ in the breeze

When all us wondering what it’s worth

We live with our realities

She never had the cheddar

Her babies always cryin’

She want to make it better

She knows the men are buyin’

She does it all herself now

Don’t need no pimp this night

But wish she had the help now

This trick it don’t feel right

He hands her all the money

She says she’ll take him far

But there ain’t no use running

It’s the po-po in this car

They drive downtown in cuffs

She pleadin’ and she lyin’

But she is out of luck

And her babies still home cryin’

This grandma and this gramps

They in a one room place

They livin’ on food stamps

Ain’t got no cash to waste

No meds to make them better

No kids outside the joint

No one to chat ‘bout weather

No food, no life, no point

And grandma she in pain

He looks her in the eyes

He tries to help in vain

But poor grandma she dies

He can’t handle her leavin’

Ties a noose, kicks the chair

Then grandpa he stop breathin’

And no one around here cares